This Was a Dream

Near the tables at a crowded park a man called out to me. I turned and he introduced himself, but his name slid right past me and continued on to the world behind me. He then introduced his dog, Apricot, a full size labradoodle. Apricot was presented as an acquaintance of my own dog.

My wife came up bearing a grilled cheese on a paper plate and a bowl of colorful and possibly edible flowers and she said hi. She knew Apricot and also the man. I stood there quiet and blank faced, hopefully unnoticed. Our son went beneath the tables and began petting Apricot and two other fluffy brown dogs of indeterminate types. I could tell my wife was still irritated with me, but she masked it with feigned warmth towards Apricot's man, and he in turn feigned ignorance of the friction between us.

My wife was anxious because we were in an unfamiliar neighborhood in a new city and if we were unable to procure a suitable lunch in time to eat it before our son's drums lesson then we would be either late or hungry or both and the day would spiral away from us from there. My plan had been to get food at an automat style restaurant run by adherents of an esoteric faith and musical style, but upon arrival at the address indicated on the phone the location turned out to be an upscale tapas restaurant that wouldn't open for another hour and would have been unlikely to admit us at any hour. Things changed fast in the city.

Thanks to my wife's quick thinking and persuasive powers, the new age juice bar inside the healing crystal shop yielded an acceptable lunch of grilled cheese and flowers. She set the lunch down and called our son up from below the table, her triumph quickly forgotten behind the press of more practical matters. Our son verbally declined to rise from his bed of fluffy dogs, but the dogs themselves forced the issue and emerged in hopes of catching a stray morsel, or perhaps the entire sandwich were it to slide off the plate.


---


On the short walk to drums we learned that civilization collapsed. I was in shock about it, and little much has changed in that regard, to the extent that I'm not sure exactly how we gathered the news. Perhaps it came on the phone or perhaps we learned it spoken aloud from people on the street in the way that we can only look a stranger in the eye and converse unguardedly in the face of an event wholly tragic and unexplainable. Nothing looked any different than before, but nevertheless we all immediately understood everything had changed.

We quickly decided our plan of action. We would attempt to acquire warm clothes, sleeping bags, water, rations, survival gear, and our Jeep from our old home outside the city. We didn't think the Jeep would be of long term value in the new world order, but at least it might be able to take us to the middle of nowhere, wherever that was.


---


It took the rest of the day and part of the night to walk to our old home. I don't remember any complaining or any conversation. We hiked in a fugue like three ants on a mission in a confused and uncaring world.

The old home was mostly as we left it and also foreign and unrecognizable. Flannel shirts, cargo pants, and camping supplies were located while some other desirable supplies remained stubbornly unfindable. Finding, or any higher reasoning requiring patience and a calm mind was then out of reach for us. At least the Jeep was there and it started right up. I drove it through the night, heedless of previous norms of motor vehicle operation, towards an old scouts camp I knew of in the hills.

Some distance from where I knew the camp to be, we parked and hid the Jeep under brush. We were unsure of our future plans for the Jeep, but we felt it best to approach our new home or at least our next waypoint on foot.


---


The scouts camp wasn't entirely empty. A dim light outside the barracks tried and mostly failed to cut through the fog and gloom. I was surprised there was electricity but maybe it was from a generator.

Inside the barracks there were two young men. Now too far removed from the singularity and once again sheathed in our social and emotional armor we were unable to connect with them on any meaningful level. My wife introduced us, but each and all of our names fell into dimensions unreachable. I felt mistrustful of the young men, perceiving them to be of a social class incompatible with our own, which ought to be a weird way to feel in a post society world. I could tell they felt the same way, and put upon by our presence as well, but coexistence still seemed achievable.

We went back out into the night to find the outhouses and any other items of note. I remembered from my own scouting past that a black widow bite to the scrotum or labia would likely be instant death and worse, but left this thought unspoken to my family; future possibilities felt entirely unknowable and regurgitating such warnings would seem doddering and out of touch with our new present.

Returning to wood paneling lined barracks that smelled of mold, dirty sheets, and cigarettes, we found one of the young men engaged with an inscrutable machine parked in the corner while the other lounged on a bed. The machine looked like something in between a home gym and a DDR arcade cabinet. A full dry bag like what's used on rafting trips suddenly spawned in between two posts on the machine. The young man yelped, jumped back, and retreated to the furthest bed from the machine.

My family and I stood dumbfounded in the barracks entryway, all of us having believed previously, and in hindsight, foolishly, that teleportation or whatever manifestation technology that was at work before our eyes to have been impossible, or at least non-existent. More dry bags appeared between the posts of the machine, dropped, and accumulated in a pile at the base of the machine. Finally, a letter fluttered to the ground.

We passed the letter amongst ourselves, unspeaking, patient while each person in turn read and digested its contents. The writing on the letter swam before my eyes, unreadable, incomprehensible, but I held it in front of my face for what I guessed was an appropriate time period. Our son can read as most eleven year olds can and we gave him a turn with the letter as well.

As parents of an only child, my wife and I were possessing of instincts to attempt to explain and contextualize everything in the world, worried that without our interventions some critical understanding might be missed, and heedless that by doing so we might stifle independence. Neither of us felt capable of contextualization in a world where dry bags and letters teleport into old scouts camp barracks and so we offered no comments on the contents of the letter.


---


With dry bags slung over our shoulders, swathed in flannels, and girded in cargo pants we walked out towards the clearing to await our ship. Other people, perhaps a few dozen, were emerging from the camp and the woods and converging on the meeting point. Still without words, the meaning of the letter was beginning to crystalize in my mind, or at least the barest of outlines.

As I understood it then, an automated process in the event of the failure of Earth had been triggered. We were being sent to a world called Lake, if we could make it there across a hostile and dangerous liminal space. A child next to me, apparently of the precocious type that understands stock markets from a young age, wondered aloud at the monetary value of a lost Earth. All of it, I thought bitterly to myself, all of everything that ever was.

The ship appeared in a flash of light and a rush of precipitation condensed from clear air. A door opened and we filed toward it.


---


My stomach tried to prolapse my esophagus and my vision sparked previously unimagined colors as our own ship dove beneath a hail of laser fire. Arrayed before us was a battlefield of enormous scale, with capital ships the size of continents locked in struggle like prehistoric beasts and small dogfighting crafts outnumbering the stars in the sky behind them.

The extent of my space faring experience up until this point, much less star fighting experience, was flying a simulation of the Space Shuttle when I was ten. I suspect the simulation was set to easy mode because I had no idea what I was doing and yet somehow we survived re-entry and landed at Kennedy Space Center.

I don't know how I ended up at the controls of our ship, but I intended to avoid getting blown up, as so many other ships were doing. The whole battle, or at least our time in it, felt like it lasted only ten seconds, but who knows how long it had been going on for or when it will ever end. We somehow blasted through the field of battle and slipped unscathed and unpursued through an unseen curtain at the far side.


---


Imagine Earth's moon, all white dust, except it's a planet, and it has just one big lake on it. That's Lake. That's why they call it Lake. That's all there is. I miss Earth and I feel a deep bottomless sorrow for losing it.

We have a base, which feels a bit tenuous, but I guess it beats being completely exposed on the surface of a bleak and inhospitable world.

We had a ceremony when we arrived on base for heroes of the battle. A guy named Jon was recognized for his heroic deeds; reportedly he blasted a ton of baddies on his way over. The base commander says he will be rewarded by being assigned a spouse, which I guess makes some sense given how humanity is as tenuous as our base. My family and I clapped. I wanted to stand there shell shocked the way I felt, the way I feel, but I clapped. I think Jon felt awkward about it too.

Tomorrow we will start with the terraforming. We will make a new home.

Ballmer

~ An excerpt from my forthcoming book examining Microsoft's long history in basketball. ~


Throughout his tenure at Microsoft, Steve Ballmer was a constant presence on the basketball court outside the lunch commons on the Redmond campus. Sweating profusely in his typical Windows Chicago headband, Ballmer's ruthless competitiveness was as feared on court as it was in the tech world of the late 90s.


On one particularly memorable occasion, Ballmer led a group of interns from the Excel team to the finals in the annual company spring classic tournament, facing off against a squad assembled by Paul Allen that included Clyde Drexler wearing a contractor badge. In keeping with his total war approach to all forms of competition, Ballmer appealed to Bill Gates in his role as tournament commissioner, arguing that Drexler, as a contractor, was ineligible to play in the employee tournament.


Gates, always keen to promote competition within his ranks, denied Ballmer's request to have Drexler disqualified, and pointed out that Ballmer's Excel interns weren't technically full time employees either. Incensed, Ballmer threw a basketball across the court with such force that it became permanently lopsided. While a search for a replacement game ball was under way, Ballmer gave his overmatched squad one final pep talk, emphasizing, "Fundamentals, Fundamentals, Fundamentals!"


In a game that went down in the annals of Microsoft history, Ballmer's interns were defeated 131-129 in overtime by Allen's PDP-11 Mail Blazers. Ballmer himself was controversially ejected late in the 4th quarter for allegedly intentionally spilling a drink on the court with no timeouts remaining.


---


One day in late spring 2025, 11 years on from his retirement as CEO, Ballmer once again stepped back on court for the hotly contested Microsoft lunch game. Many of the old heads from Ballmer's heyday were out of the office, mostly working from home in the post COVID-19 era, and without advance notice of Ballmer's return, the new crop of Microsoft employees were caught off guard. After dropping 40 points, Ballmer ended the game with a thunderous block and immediately left the court and headed to current Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella's office.


"Listen, Steve, we currently have 90% of the public Azure capacity, the vast majority of the undersea installations, the orbital facilities, as well as all of Microsoft Research and the whole quantum computing project committed to this thing," Nadella told Ballmer as he sat down next to Gates. Nadella continued, "and looking toward the future, I feel the opportunity is there to accomplish more in AI with these resources than another first round exit in the playoffs."


Ballmer took a moment to reply, "Satya, if we gave up on Windows after 2.0 failed, we never would have gotten where we are today. Every success Microsoft has ever had we built incrementally, refusing to give up after 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, whatever it took. We are only at Kawhi 3.0 right now, and if we stick with this, we can build a basketball dynasty the world has never seen. The Bay had their time in the sun, but the future will be ours."


"Steve," Nadella replied, "I'm worried we just can't solve this. This isn't software development, mathematics, fine art, or music. AI may never be competitive with the best humans in basketball. With their current roster alone, not to mention their draft picks, the human players on Oklahoma City are going to win for the forseeable future."


Ballmer just shook his head, so Satya tried another tack, appealing to Gates, "Bill, think of what we could do in business, in education, in healthcare, if we put these resources to better use!"


Gates took a deep breath, and finally replied, "I'm sorry Satya, but the current resource allocation is consistent with Microsoft's mission."


A frustrated Nadella shot back, "What mission!? To empower every person on the planet to achieve more!?"


"No," Gates replied, "I mean the real mission, the one Paul and I swore to each other back in 1976, to take over the world ... 


... the world of basketball."


Nearly defeated, Nadella tried one last strategy, "Steve, look at it this way, the Clippers are at a local maximum. Harden, Lue, we've gotten all of the training data we can out of them. If we step back, rebuild, refocus on AGI, we can rule more than just LA."


Ballmer, with uncharacteristic calm, got up and walked to the door. Just before opening it, he turned, looked Nadella in the eye, and said, "Ball is life."




NBA x Terminator

SNL

"Robo Leonard"

Written by
James Howard


ACT ONE


FADE IN:

A BACK ALLEY - NIGHT

(KAWHI LEONARD APPEARS CROUCHED AMID
CRACKLING ELECTRICITY, CLAD ONLY IN
COMPRESSION SHORTS AND HIS SIGNATURE
NEW BALANCES)

(HE STANDS AND WALKS OUT OF THE
ALLEY)

BLACKTOP BASKETBALL COURT - NIGHT

(KAWHI APPROACHES A TOUGH LOOKING
GROUP PLAYING BASKETBALL)

      TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #1
          
(STOPS PLAYING AND ADDRESSES KAWHI)

Hey man, you gotta wait until next
game. We play to 11 and then shoot
for teams.

      KAWHI

Give me your jersey.

      TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #1
          
What!? Bruh, you can't just rock up
and ask for my jersey like that.

      TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #2
          
Yeah man, we only do jersey swaps
after games, and then only on special
occasions, like birthdays.

      KAWHI

(TURNS AND HEADS TO THE UNOCCUPIED
SIDE OF THE COURT AND STARTS WARMING
UP WITH SOME LAYUPS)

      TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #2

(APPROACHES KAWHI)          

Hey, we're starting a new game now,
you wanna come shoot for teams?

      KAWHI

(WALKS TO OTHER SIDE OF COURT AND
MECHANICALLY DRAINS A FREE THROW)

(MONTAGE: KAWHI DUNKS ON PLAYERS,
PUTS DEFENDERS ON ROLLERSKATES, AND
SWISHES JUMP SHOTS)

(CUT TO: A BREAK IN THE ACTION, WITH
KAWHI AT THE TOP OF THE KEY, FACING
AN OPPOSING PLAYER)

      TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #3

This is unreal, who are you!?

      KAWHI

(DOES NOT RESPOND OR OTHERWISE REACT,
JUST CHECKS THE BALL AND KEEPS
HOOPING)

(CUT TO: KAWHI WALKS OFF THE COURT
WEARING TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #1'S
CLOTHES)

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE



ACT TWO


FADE IN:

INT. FUTURISTIC BASKETBALL ARENA

(MARK ZUCKERBERG IS SEATED IN THE
FRONT ROW, AMONGST OTHER WELL-KNOWN
CELEBRITY CYBORGS, INCLUDING ARNOLD
SCHWARZENEGGER, BRENT SPINER, AND
DAFT PUNK)

(ZUCK IS ENGAGED IN A HEATED DEBATE
WITH A DR WHO STYLE ROBOT)

      ZUCK
          
Look, I know the BB-100 is the most
advanced basketball robot ever
created, but I have to call it like I
see it. The human players back in the
era before Judgement Day were better.

      DR WHO ROBOT
          
(FRONT PANEL LIGHTS BLINK RED)

(MUSICAL GUEST T-PAIN ENTERS AND
TAKES THE EMPTY SEAT TO ZUCK'S LEFT)

      ZUCK
          
T-Pain, you were around before
Judgement Day, help us settle an
argument. Who's the GOAT, LeBron or
BB-100?

      T-PAIN (AUTO-TUNED)
          
I agree with you Zuck, the humans
were better, but LeBron was never the
GOAT. That title will always belong
to Jordan.

      ZUCK
          
(EYES FLASH RED OMINOUSLY)

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO



ACT THREE


FADE IN:

INT. SILICON VALLEY BOARDROOM

(MARK ZUCKERBERG IS STANDING AT THE
HEAD OF A LONG BOARDROOM TABLE AROUND
WHICH ARE SEATED A BUNCH OF CORPORATE
LOOKING TYPE ANDROIDS WEARING BUTTON
UP SHIRTS AND FLEECE VESTS)

(THE WINDOW BEHIND ZUCKERBERG REVEALS
A DARK LIGHTNING RIVEN SKY AND THE
OUTLINES OF THE WRECKAGE OF A RUINED
EARTH)

      META ANDROID #1
          
We currently lack the power to open
further time rifts, the resistance
has damaged part of our
infrastructure.

      ZUCK

(EYES FLASHING RED)

I don't want to hear excuses. Michael
Jordan must never be allowed to make
it to the NBA.

      META ANDROID #2
          
Sir, I might have an idea. If we
divert power from the Metaverse, we
may be able to open another rift in
the space-time continuum.

      ZUCK
          
(EYES FLASHING EVEN MORE DANGEROUSLY RED)

Fine, do it.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE



ACT FOUR


FADE IN:

INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM

(A COACH WHISTLES A GROUP OF
HIGHSCHOOL AGE BASKETBALL PLAYERS
THROUGH A SERIES OF DRILLS)

      KAWHI
          
(WALKS ONTO THE COURT FROM
OFF-STAGE AND ADDRESSES THE COACH)

I'm here to try out for the team.

      COACH
          
(LOOKS KAWHI UP AND DOWN SUSPICIOUSLY)

This is a junior varsity basketball
team. It's for kids. Do you even go
to this school?

      KAWHI

Yes, I just transferred here. I am in
ninth grade.

(HOLDS UP A FORGED TRANSFER PAPER)         

      COACH
          
Alright then, let's see what you can
do.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

Jordan! You're up. One on one with
the new kid to 7. Winner gets the
last spot on the roster.

      YOUNG MJ
          
(YOUNG MICHAEL JORDAN JOGS INTO THE
SCENE AND CHECKS THE BALL TO KAWHI)

(CUT TO: MONTAGE OF KAWHI UTTERLY
DOMINATING 14 YEAR OLD JORDAN)

(KAWHI OPENS WITH AN OFF THE
BACKBOARD PASS TO HIMSELF TO A TWO
HANDED SLAM DUNK)

(KAWHI DRIBBLES THE BALL BETWEEN
YOUNG MJ'S LEGS AND THEN STEPS BACK
BEHIND THE THREE POINT LINE AND
BURIES A JUMPER IN MJ'S FACE)

(KAWHI FAKES A SHOT AND RELEASES THE
BALL SO IT LANDS BEHIND MJ AND THEN
THE BACKSPIN FROM THE TRICK SHOT
CAUSES THE BALL TO LIGHTLY BOUNCE OFF
THE BACK OF MJ'S HEAD, CONFUSING MJ
WHILE KAWHI RETRIEVES THE BALL AND
SLAMS HOME A BETWEEN THE LEGS
WINDMILL DUNK)

(CUT TO: TOP OF THE KEY, KAWHI AND
YOUNG MJ FACE OFF)

      COACH
          
Michael, it's six to zip. If you
can't score here, I'm just gonna save
us all the trouble and give the last
spot to the new kid.

      YOUNG MJ

(DRIBBLES THE BALL AND LAUNCHES A
SHOT, WHICH MULTIPLE CAMERAS FOLLOW
IN SLOW MOTION)

(JUST BEFORE THE SHOT REACHES THE TOP
OF ITS ARC KAWHI APPEARS IN FRAME AND
GRABS THE BALL WITH ONE HAND LIKE A
BASEBALL PLAYER CATCHING A LINE
DRIVE)

(KAWHI FAST BREAKS TO THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE COURT WHERE HE ENCOUNTERS THE
TEAM'S CAPTAIN WHO VAINLY TRIES TO D
HIM UP)

(KAWHI JUMPS STRAIGHT OVER THE KID
AND FINISHES WITH A SUPER
DISRESPECTFUL ELBOW THROUGH THE RIM
DUNK)

(CUT TO: COACH AND YOUNG MJ, STILL ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COURT)

      COACH
          
I'm sorry Michael, but we don't have
any more spots on the J.V. roster
this year.

Play rec league, work on your game
over the summer, and try again next
year.

      YOUNG MJ
          
(DEJECTEDLY WALKS OFF THE COURT)

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT FOUR



INTERLUDE


FADE IN:

INT. HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA

      KAWHI
          
(EATS A SCHOOL LUNCH WHILE SITTING
ALONE)

FADE OUT.


ACT FIVE


FADE IN:

INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM

(THE LANEY HIGHSCHOOL BUCS J.V.
BASKETBALL TEAM WARMS UP ON COURT IN
FRONT OF A STANDING ROOM ONLY
AUDIENCE)

      ANNOUNCER (O.C.)
          
Are you ready for some basketball!

(PAUSE FOR CHEERS)

Are you ready for some basketball!!!

(PAUSE FOR THUNDEROUS CHEERS)

Alright then! Welcome to the North
Carolina Junior Varsity state
championship basketball game!

(TIPOFF)

(KAWHI IS CONSPICUOUSLY NOT PLAYING
BUT INSTEAD SITTING IN UNIFORM AT THE
END OF HIS TEAM'S BENCH)

(CUT TO SCOREBOARD: THE SCORE IS
58-60 WITH 3 SECONDS REMAINING ON THE
CLOCK)

(CUT TO BENCH: A BUCS PLAYER LIMPS
OFF THE COURT AND SITS HEAVILY ON THE
BENCH. ALL BUT 4 OF THE TEAM'S
PLAYERS ARE VISIBLY INJURED. THE TEAM
CAPTAIN IS WEARING FASHIONABLE STREET
CLOTHES AND JEWELRY BUT OTHERWISE
APPEARS PHYSICALLY FIT)

      COACH
          
Alright Leonard, I know you haven't
gotten any game time this season, but
as the last player on the roster your
number just hadn't come up yet.

With our starters all out, and our
second unit also injured, I'm gonna
put you in the game. Good luck out
there.

      KAWHI
          
(JOGS TO THE SCORER'S TABLE AND
CHECKS INTO THE GAME)

      REF
          
(HANDS GAME BALL TO OPPOSING TEAM
PLAYER AND BLOWS WHISTLE)

      OPPOSING PLAYER
          
(INBOUNDS PASS)

      KAWHI
          
(INTERCEPTS PASS, DRIBBLES TO THREE
POINT LINE, JUMP SHOT, NOTHING BUT
NET)

      ENTIRE LANEY HS STUDENT BODY
          
(CHEERS WILDLY AND RUSHES THE COURT)

      KAWHI
          
(NEUTRAL EXPRESSION)

      ENTIRE LANEY HS STUDENT BODY
          
(VISIBLY STRUGGLES BUT MANAGES TO
LIFT KAWHI ONTO THEIR SHOULDERS)

      YOUNG MJ
          
(APPROACHES KAWHI FROM OFF-STAGE
AFTER THE RAUCOUS FANS PUT HIM DOWN
AND DEPART)

Good game, Kawhi. No hard feelings
about the last spot on the roster,
you proved today you were the better
player.

But, I was wondering, now that the
season is over, do you wanna hang out
sometime? Maybe you could teach me a
few moves on the court or whatever?

      KAWHI
          
(CUT TO FIRST PERSON VIEW THROUGH
KAWHI'S MECHANIZED EYEBALLS. MONOTYPE
TEXT SCROLLS AND VECTOR GRAPHS
EXTRAPOLATE)

(A BRIEF FLICKER OF CORRUPTION
INTERRUPTS KAWHI'S VIEW AND
EVERYTHING GOES BLACK)



...



...



...



...



...



...



...



...




. . .




(KAWHI'S VISION RE-APPEARS WITH YOUNG
MJ IN VIEW AS MORE MONOTYPE TEXT
SCROLLS OVER TOP)

ae19 6379 59fb cf69 b34d 29ab e944 
04c6 8bbb fbca 8366 a168 1724 1319 
9d33 14e5 6883 9af1 42a8 8095 d202 
f457 ed55 1322 508b d11d f32d 76fa 
0428 ca18 0b88 c6ba 98c7 7617 45cc 
3b19 82c5 bd74 491f 632c f581 1d89 
5381 f025 377d 4bcc 2e34 cc5b 0529 
8835 0b4f 76fc 16e2 16f0 d634 f957 
cb39 1bc9 3d36 2b55 9564 63f7 3122 
3fb5 013d 62d2 585d 88a9 15e6 84c1 

EMOTION ENGINE 2.0

COPYRIGHT (c) 2032 
THE REGENTS OF THE LAST RESISTANCE

BOOTING UP ...

(CUT BACK TO KAWHI AND YOUNG MJ FACE
TO FACE ON THE COURT. THE FANS HAVE
ALL LEFT AND IT'S JUST THE TWO OF
THEM STANDING AMIDST THE STREAMERS
AND CONFETTI)

      KAWHI
          
Yeah, I'd like that.
          
(EXTENDS HIS HAND)

Friends?

      YOUNG MJ
          
(SHAKES KAWHI'S HAND)

Friends.

FADE OUT AS TERMINATOR THEME PLAYS.


END OF SHOW



Welcome to Woefully Unpublished

Welcome to Woefully Unpublished, a social experiment in creative writing. This is a place for short stories, fanfics, screenplays, spin-offs, unsanctioned crossovers, and woefully (heretofore) unpublished Star Trek novellas.

I imagine all of us as secretly the authors of esoteric, eclectic, and above all embarrassing canons of amateur works. In other words, I already strongly suspect you of harboring a lost season of 24 or a holodeck episode of TNG, whether you've written it down yet or not.

This is like a joke thing. It's possible, even likely, that the whole site is a metaphor for the type of content I have in mind: a lot funnier in concept than when actually written down. But, I love to be committed to jokes and I've already spent $42 on novelty domain names this year, so I hope we can play this one out.

If you're still with me, here's how to participate ...

You can be a reader by visiting woefullyunpublished.club, or you can subscribe to the newsletter from the sidebar (tap the three lines in the upper left).

You can be a writer by emailing your stories to post@woefullyunpublished.club. Please do write. You can submit your stories under a nom de plume. The format and topic is totally up to you, but you can also send in requests for stories to be written by others or you can pick up and write a sequel, prequel, or spin-off to any other story.

Feel free to share this with friends and family. While I expect not all of the content here will be appropriate for children, I hope some of it will be and can be read out loud at your discretion. Submissions from children are also accepted and encouraged — you can send in handwritten or transcribed stories.

- James


P.S. Get hyped because there is already some great stuff in the pipeline, including my long rumored NBA x Terminator crossover starring Kawhi Leonard as well as a buddy cop dramedy set in the NYC subway based on a single random pic from Reddit.