(KAWHI LEONARD APPEARS CROUCHED AMID CRACKLING ELECTRICITY, CLAD ONLY IN COMPRESSION SHORTS AND HIS SIGNATURE NEW BALANCES) (HE STANDS AND WALKS OUT OF THE ALLEY)
(KAWHI APPROACHES A TOUGH LOOKING GROUP PLAYING BASKETBALL)
TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #1
(STOPS PLAYING AND ADDRESSES KAWHI)
Hey man, you gotta wait until next
game. We play to 11 and then shoot
for teams.
KAWHI Give me your jersey.
TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #1
What!? Bruh, you can't just rock up
and ask for my jersey like that.
TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #2
Yeah man, we only do jersey swaps
after games, and then only on special
occasions, like birthdays.
KAWHI (TURNS AND HEADS TO THE UNOCCUPIED SIDE OF THE COURT AND STARTS WARMING UP WITH SOME LAYUPS)
TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #2 (APPROACHES KAWHI) Hey, we're starting a new game now, you wanna come shoot for teams?
KAWHI (WALKS TO OTHER SIDE OF COURT AND MECHANICALLY DRAINS A FREE THROW)
(MONTAGE: KAWHI DUNKS ON PLAYERS, PUTS DEFENDERS ON ROLLERSKATES, AND SWISHES JUMP SHOTS)
(CUT TO: A BREAK IN THE ACTION, WITH KAWHI AT THE TOP OF THE KEY, FACING AN OPPOSING PLAYER)
TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #3 This is unreal, who are you!?
KAWHI (DOES NOT RESPOND OR OTHERWISE REACT, JUST CHECKS THE BALL AND KEEPS HOOPING)
(CUT TO: KAWHI WALKS OFF THE COURT WEARING TOUGH BASKETBALL GUY #1'S CLOTHES)
(MARK ZUCKERBERG IS SEATED IN THE FRONT ROW, AMONGST OTHER WELL-KNOWN CELEBRITY CYBORGS, INCLUDING ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, BRENT SPINER, AND DAFT PUNK) (ZUCK IS ENGAGED IN A HEATED DEBATE WITH A DR WHO STYLE ROBOT)
ZUCK
Look, I know the BB-100 is the most
advanced basketball robot ever
created, but I have to call it like I
see it. The human players back in the
era before Judgement Day were better.
DR WHO ROBOT
(FRONT PANEL LIGHTS BLINK RED)
(MUSICAL GUEST T-PAIN ENTERS AND TAKES THE EMPTY SEAT TO ZUCK'S LEFT)
ZUCK
T-Pain, you were around before
Judgement Day, help us settle an
argument. Who's the GOAT, LeBron or
BB-100?
T-PAIN (AUTO-TUNED)
I agree with you Zuck, the humans
were better, but LeBron was never the
GOAT. That title will always belong
to Jordan.
ZUCK
(EYES FLASH RED OMINOUSLY)
(MARK ZUCKERBERG IS STANDING AT THE HEAD OF A LONG BOARDROOM TABLE AROUND WHICH ARE SEATED A BUNCH OF CORPORATE LOOKING TYPE ANDROIDS WEARING BUTTON UP SHIRTS AND FLEECE VESTS) (THE WINDOW BEHIND ZUCKERBERG REVEALS A DARK LIGHTNING RIVEN SKY AND THE OUTLINES OF THE WRECKAGE OF A RUINED EARTH)
META ANDROID #1
We currently lack the power to open
further time rifts, the resistance
has damaged part of our
infrastructure.
ZUCK (EYES FLASHING RED) I don't want to hear excuses. Michael Jordan must never be allowed to make it to the NBA.
META ANDROID #2
Sir, I might have an idea. If we
divert power from the Metaverse, we
may be able to open another rift in
the space-time continuum.
ZUCK
(EYES FLASHING EVEN MORE DANGEROUSLY RED)
Fine, do it.
(A COACH WHISTLES A GROUP OF HIGHSCHOOL AGE BASKETBALL PLAYERS THROUGH A SERIES OF DRILLS)
KAWHI
(WALKS ONTO THE COURT FROM
OFF-STAGE AND ADDRESSES THE COACH)
I'm here to try out for the team.
COACH
(LOOKS KAWHI UP AND DOWN SUSPICIOUSLY)
This is a junior varsity basketball
team. It's for kids. Do you even go
to this school?
KAWHI Yes, I just transferred here. I am in ninth grade. (HOLDS UP A FORGED TRANSFER PAPER)
COACH
Alright then, let's see what you can
do.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Jordan! You're up. One on one with
the new kid to 7. Winner gets the
last spot on the roster.
YOUNG MJ
(YOUNG MICHAEL JORDAN JOGS INTO THE
SCENE AND CHECKS THE BALL TO KAWHI)
(CUT TO: MONTAGE OF KAWHI UTTERLY DOMINATING 14 YEAR OLD JORDAN) (KAWHI OPENS WITH AN OFF THE BACKBOARD PASS TO HIMSELF TO A TWO HANDED SLAM DUNK) (KAWHI DRIBBLES THE BALL BETWEEN YOUNG MJ'S LEGS AND THEN STEPS BACK BEHIND THE THREE POINT LINE AND BURIES A JUMPER IN MJ'S FACE) (KAWHI FAKES A SHOT AND RELEASES THE BALL SO IT LANDS BEHIND MJ AND THEN THE BACKSPIN FROM THE TRICK SHOT CAUSES THE BALL TO LIGHTLY BOUNCE OFF THE BACK OF MJ'S HEAD, CONFUSING MJ WHILE KAWHI RETRIEVES THE BALL AND SLAMS HOME A BETWEEN THE LEGS WINDMILL DUNK)
(CUT TO: TOP OF THE KEY, KAWHI AND YOUNG MJ FACE OFF)
COACH
Michael, it's six to zip. If you
can't score here, I'm just gonna save
us all the trouble and give the last
spot to the new kid.
YOUNG MJ (DRIBBLES THE BALL AND LAUNCHES A SHOT, WHICH MULTIPLE CAMERAS FOLLOW IN SLOW MOTION)
(JUST BEFORE THE SHOT REACHES THE TOP OF ITS ARC KAWHI APPEARS IN FRAME AND GRABS THE BALL WITH ONE HAND LIKE A BASEBALL PLAYER CATCHING A LINE DRIVE) (KAWHI FAST BREAKS TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COURT WHERE HE ENCOUNTERS THE TEAM'S CAPTAIN WHO VAINLY TRIES TO D HIM UP) (KAWHI JUMPS STRAIGHT OVER THE KID AND FINISHES WITH A SUPER DISRESPECTFUL ELBOW THROUGH THE RIM DUNK)
(CUT TO: COACH AND YOUNG MJ, STILL ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COURT)
COACH
I'm sorry Michael, but we don't have
any more spots on the J.V. roster
this year.
Play rec league, work on your game
over the summer, and try again next
year.
YOUNG MJ
(DEJECTEDLY WALKS OFF THE COURT)
KAWHI
(EATS A SCHOOL LUNCH WHILE SITTING
ALONE)
(THE LANEY HIGHSCHOOL BUCS J.V. BASKETBALL TEAM WARMS UP ON COURT IN FRONT OF A STANDING ROOM ONLY AUDIENCE)
ANNOUNCER (O.C.)
Are you ready for some basketball!
(PAUSE FOR CHEERS)
Are you ready for some basketball!!!
(PAUSE FOR THUNDEROUS CHEERS)
Alright then! Welcome to the North
Carolina Junior Varsity state
championship basketball game!
(TIPOFF) (KAWHI IS CONSPICUOUSLY NOT PLAYING BUT INSTEAD SITTING IN UNIFORM AT THE END OF HIS TEAM'S BENCH)
(CUT TO SCOREBOARD: THE SCORE IS 58-60 WITH 3 SECONDS REMAINING ON THE CLOCK)
(CUT TO BENCH: A BUCS PLAYER LIMPS OFF THE COURT AND SITS HEAVILY ON THE BENCH. ALL BUT 4 OF THE TEAM'S PLAYERS ARE VISIBLY INJURED. THE TEAM CAPTAIN IS WEARING FASHIONABLE STREET CLOTHES AND JEWELRY BUT OTHERWISE APPEARS PHYSICALLY FIT)
COACH
Alright Leonard, I know you haven't
gotten any game time this season, but
as the last player on the roster your
number just hadn't come up yet.
With our starters all out, and our
second unit also injured, I'm gonna
put you in the game. Good luck out
there.
KAWHI
(JOGS TO THE SCORER'S TABLE AND
CHECKS INTO THE GAME)
REF
(HANDS GAME BALL TO OPPOSING TEAM
PLAYER AND BLOWS WHISTLE)
OPPOSING PLAYER
(INBOUNDS PASS)
KAWHI
(INTERCEPTS PASS, DRIBBLES TO THREE
POINT LINE, JUMP SHOT, NOTHING BUT
NET)
ENTIRE LANEY HS STUDENT BODY
(CHEERS WILDLY AND RUSHES THE COURT)
KAWHI
(NEUTRAL EXPRESSION)
ENTIRE LANEY HS STUDENT BODY
(VISIBLY STRUGGLES BUT MANAGES TO
LIFT KAWHI ONTO THEIR SHOULDERS)
YOUNG MJ
(APPROACHES KAWHI FROM OFF-STAGE
AFTER THE RAUCOUS FANS PUT HIM DOWN
AND DEPART)
Good game, Kawhi. No hard feelings
about the last spot on the roster,
you proved today you were the better
player.
But, I was wondering, now that the
season is over, do you wanna hang out
sometime? Maybe you could teach me a
few moves on the court or whatever?
KAWHI
(CUT TO FIRST PERSON VIEW THROUGH
KAWHI'S MECHANIZED EYEBALLS. MONOTYPE
TEXT SCROLLS AND VECTOR GRAPHS
EXTRAPOLATE)
(A BRIEF FLICKER OF CORRUPTION
INTERRUPTS KAWHI'S VIEW AND
EVERYTHING GOES BLACK)
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
. . .
(KAWHI'S VISION RE-APPEARS WITH YOUNG
MJ IN VIEW AS MORE MONOTYPE TEXT
SCROLLS OVER TOP)
ae19 6379 59fb cf69 b34d 29ab e944
04c6 8bbb fbca 8366 a168 1724 1319
9d33 14e5 6883 9af1 42a8 8095 d202
f457 ed55 1322 508b d11d f32d 76fa
0428 ca18 0b88 c6ba 98c7 7617 45cc
3b19 82c5 bd74 491f 632c f581 1d89
5381 f025 377d 4bcc 2e34 cc5b 0529
8835 0b4f 76fc 16e2 16f0 d634 f957
cb39 1bc9 3d36 2b55 9564 63f7 3122
3fb5 013d 62d2 585d 88a9 15e6 84c1
EMOTION ENGINE 2.0
COPYRIGHT (c) 2032
THE REGENTS OF THE LAST RESISTANCE
BOOTING UP ...
(CUT BACK TO KAWHI AND YOUNG MJ FACE TO FACE ON THE COURT. THE FANS HAVE ALL LEFT AND IT'S JUST THE TWO OF THEM STANDING AMIDST THE STREAMERS AND CONFETTI)
KAWHI
Yeah, I'd like that.
(EXTENDS HIS HAND)
Friends?
YOUNG MJ
(SHAKES KAWHI'S HAND)
Friends.
Welcome to Woefully Unpublished, a social experiment in creative writing. This is a place for short stories, fanfics, screenplays, spin-offs, unsanctioned crossovers, and woefully (heretofore) unpublished Star Trek novellas.
I imagine all of us as secretly the authors of esoteric, eclectic, and above all embarrassing canons of amateur works. In other words, I already strongly suspect you of harboring a lost season of 24 or a holodeck episode of TNG, whether you've written it down yet or not.
This is like a joke thing. It's possible, even likely, that the whole site is a metaphor for the type of content I have in mind: a lot funnier in concept than when actually written down. But, I love to be committed to jokes and I've already spent $42 on novelty domain names this year, so I hope we can play this one out.
If you're still with me, here's how to participate ...
You can be a reader by visiting woefullyunpublished.club, or you can subscribe to the newsletter from the sidebar (tap the three lines in the upper left).
You can be a writer by emailing your stories to post@woefullyunpublished.club. Please do write. You can submit your stories under a nom de plume. The format and topic is totally up to you, but you can also send in requests for stories to be written by others or you can pick up and write a sequel, prequel, or spin-off to any other story.
Feel free to share this with friends and family. While I expect not all of the content here will be appropriate for children, I hope some of it will be and can be read out loud at your discretion. Submissions from children are also accepted and encouraged — you can send in handwritten or transcribed stories.
- James
P.S. Get hyped because there is already some great stuff in the pipeline, including my long rumored NBA x Terminator crossover starring Kawhi Leonard as well as a buddy cop dramedy set in the NYC subway based on a single random pic from Reddit.